Everything about school would be easier if everyone would just be nice. It seems like a pretty simple thing to do. Say please. Say thank you. Be kind. These are the basics that we teach kids right along with numbers and the alphabet, so why do teachers have to remind students to be nice? We don’t remind our older students what letter comes after A, or what number comes after 1.
I’m sure most teachers would say that they focus on manners, on being kind, on being good people; and that it frustrates them when those lessons don’t stick. Why though? Why do those lessons not stick? What if it has more to do with us than it does with our students? What if it has more to do with what we do when we are frustrated?
Do we continue to model every behavior we want our students to emulate when we are upset? No, we don’t. We make the mistake of being mean to our students when we are upset with their behavior. We say to ourselves, “I’m upset, and they need to know it.” I know that is what I thought as a first year teacher. We raise our voices, we give the students a less than kind attitude, we make generalizations about how rude or disrespectful or mean every student is being to us. We do everything we want them to avoid. Again, at least I know I did. I didn’t know any better. I had seen my teachers act that way. We were all wrong.
We teach the students that when you are upset, or annoyed, or having a bad day you can be mean to someone else. Is it any wonder they have a difficult time consistently being kind? We teach them that being kind is dependent upon how others treat you.
It isn’t. In a Lutheran school we know that. During Holy Week we focus on it. The love we are given has nothing to do with how we treat others because our Savior already knows we will fall short, and He loves us anyway.
That is what we need to model. Our students will make mistakes, and they will be mean. We need to love and respect them anyway. In all situations. We can be disappointed with what our students choose to do. Students will make mistakes, and there are of course consequences for those mistakes. None of those consequences should be an adult treating a student how we tell them not to treat each other.
After all, if we want them to just be nice we need to be able to do it ourselves.
